Love: in stereo

Girlfriend sitting on the couch with her head in her hand… Turn around and walk away, close the door before the fight starts because on that couch, friend, are all your troubles; real and fake coalescing.

Because the words “We need to talk…” Have never gone well for the one hearing them. No guy, girl, parent or child ever thinks of good things on hearing the words, in fact quite the opposite. I’m sure we are all familiar with the terror those words strike into the hearts of warriors and glamazons alike.

Hearing those words you think the following things in order of relevance: she’s pregnant; she’s dying; she’s breaking up with me; she wants to move our relationship a step further; they’re getting married; they’re getting divorced. They’re applied as needed, kinda like pain tablets, except that these would be what you would take in order to cause the pain not cure it. The degree of course would be according to your personal worst nightmare of the moment.

Those smitten with their current partners but have the recurring nightmare of their significant other confessing the cheating, or the unplanned and pregnancy scare, the sudden break up or even the coming move to a foreign country. So you are quaking right, you haven’t even thought as far as the end of the convo yet, oh scratch that, you just saw it, the signs of it that you had missed in the past few days, the drifting apart, the throwing up, lack of signs from your girl, now you feel like a retard. In fact you just felt retarded for feeling retarded.

Luckily you are not alone! I feel that way too, looking back at it… Girls know all about what I’m talking about when I talk about looking back at it. Sadly, I know how it feels to look at it, and to see it walking away (for those incapable of extrapolation I’m referring to the magnificent figures girls parade around, both in their mirrors, out of your door and out of your life).

I feel obligated to say I’ve been that guy, you know that blubbering guy begging their girlfriend to take them back? However, I’ve been the other guy too. You know the “thank-god-she-finally-realized-i’m-breaking-up-with-her” I’ve also watched girls wait me out.

I’ve been the “Kids-sit-down-we-need-to-talk” son and the received both talks from Dad; not the birds and the bees, Dad figured I knew all about that. All I’m trying to get at is: it sucks, it’s a shitty feeling to hear those words; no matter what they’re attached to.

As human beings we clearly need to realize certain things are guaranteed: death, taxes, change and pain. But pain and change, unlike death and taxes can be pleasant. So let’s try reduce the effects of what we get conditioned to think at the sight of specific images, specific words and the stereotypes we have thrown at us. I guess in a convoluted way a I was trying to get you to pay attention to how you responded in a prejudiced manner and how crappy it makes us feel.

What’s worse though is the way we make the other person feel when we adhere to stereotypes. I’d be pissed to hear words like “It’s not you, it’s me…” especially after months of effort, not catching the prey that threw itself in my path gagged and tied, meeting your parents, gosh so much effort. If you dropped me with that line I’d lose it; same way if I heard the words “you’re not like the rest of them/the others” in reference to a whole race, tribal group, country or class. No two people are alike so by doing or saying such you are turning people into a number in a system or a gear in a clock. Yet everyday we wake up, strike out, trying obstinately to forge a legacy and a niche for yourself.

So I just want to say: let’s get creative about bad news, avoid prejudices and stereotypical thinking.

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