I won’t ever claim to be a serial dater, have commitment issues, intimacy issues, excessive familiarity or an addiction to intimacy. What I will admit to, however, is that I love to watch those that do… and I may on occasion attempt to tame Dragons… But I digress.
Before I begin, I’d like everyone to note: this will probably hit too close to home for most… But don’t Punk out, read it, be honest with yourself, resolve it or accept it. Our deficiencies don’t make us any less but denial is pretty much hitting yourself in the head with a sledge hammer, going out into the world and seeing everyone else with stab wounds, blunt force trauma and missing limb then saying since everyone else is ignoring, or trying to ignore their issues, that you aren’t injured either.
We watch movies and can pick out character flaws, let’s do it here with ourselves and Improve. Hi, I’m Mpumelelo (Mpumi for Short) and I am (a frequent) Dragon-tamer. That’s my dating dysfunction. I often just coast by sleeping in flower beds, running through poppy fields. However I’m often deluded, on occasion I see footprint and chase a mythical creature… and like all mythical creatures; they’re based on real women, I mean creatures. We, Dragon tamers, get sucked into naïve hope she’s the one mode. Relationships that shouldn’t be, become reality, women that are impossible become our all consuming desire. Luckily for us, all it ends in is making memories with people we normally see through too quickly to go near, not a bad looking suit case, but it’s baggage nonetheless.
Have you ever seen the girl that used to move around a lot, changed schools half a billion times, has no close female friends and is probably called really unnecessary names like ‘hoe’ or ‘slut’ because her interest is fleeting and so everyone thinks that she’s easy? Yeah, that isn’t the case. She has commitment issues, having never really had to settle in one place her mind wonders, her spirit is filled with wanderlust and she can usually show you a thing or too about living. These girls/guys (guys for some odd reason get away from the name calling, which I think is wrong, cause if the shoe fits.) have a reckless approach to life and will probably be the “you know, back in my day” grandparents if they ever find someone worth settling for.
Then we have the chip thief, the serial dater that is never on their on for longer than a few days at a stretch. Guys who are thinking about their other prospects soon as the first fight is had, now to compare people to monkeys is usually offensive but these guys have vine swinging abilities that primates would envy. They never let go of the branch behind them till they have their hands on the next one! This is the person that needs someone else to go out with usually because being alone isn’t fun, they also like the benefit of having someone to steal chips from… and it’s probably great for them because no relationship makes it far past the honeymoon stage.
The girl that’s saving it… if this is you and you are sensitive; please divert your attention further on. These are the girls that date a guy love him to bits and then stick to their guns on the “no sex” rule. That is admirable it’s the next part they don’t need to see or hear if they’re sensitive. They break up with said loving boyfriend and start to have a fling. I don’t know the details, never been this guy, but the guy manages to convince her that she loves him. Following the loss of so dear a loving relationship, she, in her vulnerability (see relationsh*t for more), gives the fling guy everything she’s got. And when I say everything I mean it, she vents years of sexual frustration and unleashes a libido unlike any you’ve seen on this man… Thing is usually, that’s all the relationship is based on, so when the passion has burnt out and just the husk is left, she sits there being cradled by her best friend crying about how used she feels (the male equivalent is sitting in a bar, slandering exs and looking for women. Women that you usually won’t find because you’re too busy venting about the ex).
I figured I’d just talk a little more about this because really we all have our own issues and I mean only to shed some light on it. Don’t feel bad about being in any one of these categories, you are your own person so you are guaranteed your own sub-genre, with your own personal compartment therein. Let’s not make the people we date feel bad for their dating dysfunctions; let’s try and help the person next to us move through their’s. Whether you are on a bus, in a car (not driving, I hope), plane, on a couch, lying in bed or even sitting in a toilet stall. Reach out to the people around you and make them feel less judged and more understood, that’s the purpose of these articles… Except you toilet guys, reach for nothing until you’ve washed those hands.