So, yesterday, I’m talking to my boy Thembi, and I kid you not he says “Haha nah, dawg, u should post on relationships. You’ll destroy the 5 year ones as well”
So now I’m sitting here wondering, what could I possibly say that could destroy a five year relationship? now It IS NOT my aim to destroy your, my or anyone else’s relationship… Yet I have come to notice a growing trend of this happening around me.
So I decided to step back and look at the possible reasons. The main one I see: WES.
It’s the Wondering Eye Syndrome. That thing that guys and girls alike both despise and indulge. This whole age of instant messaging, speedy downloads and one click living have created a need for instant gratification that is slowly eroding away our ability as people to interact. We often see something we like and, as if we are standing in a shop with our credit cards hanging out, we swipe.
For guys it’s usually a vulnerability in women, that open and honest moment of emotion that leads to us thinking the thought I’m just going to comfort her, my girlfriend knows I’m a caring guy; she wouldn’t take it the wrong way. Well, that, my friend,is the wrong answer because as a guy you know that when you’re in a relationship suddenly the number of women trying to get in your pants increases EXPONENTIALLY. See you just fell in the trap! You’re ensnared now, she has you where she wants you.
You won’t be able to distance yourself because she needs you (and who doesn’t want to be needed?) but you’ll feel guilty for every moment you spend with her because she’s not your girlfriend. If you do distance yourself you’ll feel bad for not being there for her, and then you’ll feel guilty for living your (seemingly) perfect life with your girlfriend. You want to gratify all the different parts of you, yet the conflict won’t resolve itself… So you start spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about one person while with the other: the kicker is you aren’t sleeping with that vulnerable young miss. I mean you aren’t cheating right? But maybe you shouldn’t tell your girlfriend about her lest she think you are. I mean you’re just being her friend so you shouldn’t feel this way right? You are doing the right thing aren’t you? But she is pretty hot isn’t she? And her smile makes you smile, doesn’t it?
And there you begin your descent into a hell of your own personal making; your girlfriend starts asking “who is she? Why do you spend so much time talking to her? Doesn’t she have friends she can talk to?” Or the alternative is Ms Vulnerable starts saying things like “I wish I had someone as wonderful/caring/fun/any other ego inflating word as you” or “Your girlfriend is really lucky to have someone like you” And you are now in a corner. You start hiding the time you spend with Ms Vulnerable or the thoughts your girlfriend interrupts because it’s almost like she can read your mind.
And when you are in the bedroom with your girlfriend it’s amazing ( I hope for both your sakes), she knows what you like, you know wat she likes, you feel no need to indulge in the sexual conquest of Ms Vulnerable. That is until you suddenly realize you just pictured her naked, and it all starts with the two of you talking and next thing she’s seducing you, you’re seducing her, and wham bam thank you ma’am, she is in your head superimposed where your girlfriend is now.
You run to the boys to discuss how you are not cheating, yet somehow you feel like you’re in a dilemma. You love your girlfriend, you really do. At which point one of your friends points out that you seem to have feelings for Ms Vulnerable, which you adamantly deny… in the presence of your friends, because really in your heart, at the back of your mind or at the base or your loins, you know you do.
You are spending time with Ms Vulnerable telling her about how insecure your girlfriend is about the amount of time you spend with her, or how she constantly accuses you of cheating or even (and if you do this one you really are asking for it) how you’ve started realizing you feel about her, she says something encouraging puts her hand on your thigh affectionately, or on your chest, or anywhere really and boom you get hit by a ton of bricks which have sexual tension written all over them. And then one of you does something stupid like kiss the other one or lead them to the bedroom. There’s a moment of doubt the thought I can’t do this comes to mind but her soft lips, her passionate embrace, her warmth all scream you can; you are a teaspoon of blood short to the brain and suddenly another appendage is screaming “Show her this in Sparta!” Or “Are you threatening this guy with a good time? You gon’ learn today!” And Hey Presto your cheating.
Or you aren’t let’s say you do manage to get away and crawl back to your girlfriend and beg her forgiveness, which she gives, reluctantly; you now have a recession on your hands, the Bank of Good Sex is closed to loans, or just to you (bad credit record remember?) and you spend months getting yourself in good standing again. Thing you don’t realize is that somewhere out there to some other guy, your girlfriend just became Ms Vulnerable and buddy you better hope she has better life skills than you did!